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FIFTEEN TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE ICONS............
duplicity memories au shit
[ It wasn't supposed to be like this.
More memory shenanigans? More fucking around? He's not quite sure what to make of it yet, but it's similar to his previous experiences. Ending up somewhere he's not supposed to be, unable to remember how he came about the location, and definitely not able to piece together the memories that brought him here. It's enough to make him want to implode, honestly. The killing game... Duplicity... and now... this? A happy-go-lucky "Love Across the Universe" situation? It's too similar to the initial killing game, and yet entirely different. Naturally Ouma doesn't trust it, especially since he's somehow managed to retain his memories of all his prior experiences. Can't whoever's doing this crap keep any consistency? He's reminded of when he woke up in the Down in Duplicity, and of how the others that he'd met therein had always been a tossup in discovering what they actually recalled or experienced.
It's terrifying, really. He's not sure he can even trust his own memories, even if he wants to believe they're reliable. But everything is messed up.
Again. And again.
At least in this scenario, he isn't being forced to partake in any activities like killing or sex. Dating and bonds or whatever is a lot more tolerable, and it's almost too nice compared to his prior experiences. It sets him on edge. All of his classmates are here this time, but none of them seem to recall anything prior. They don't know about the killing game, and the few of them that had shown up in Duplicity didn't seem to recall anything about that, either.
On the surface, anyway. He hasn't interacted much with Shuichi quite yet, even though he'd been the closest with him during his time in Duplicity. He almost doesn't want to approach him, because they'd finally, finally contracted, and then--
... But is it all in his own head? Was any of that even real?
The paranoia regarding his own memories and feelings keeps Ouma from actually approaching Shuichi. Hell, he might even be avoiding him in this ridiculously neutral environment. But it doesn't matter, because Shuichi probably won't notice, right? He surely doesn't remember anything either, just like the rest of them. Otherwise he would've said something by now, right?
It's getting cumbersome to keep up with what's what and who he can even trust at this point. Although the obvious answer is that he can't trust anyone -- that's how it's always been, hasn't it? Everything that had happened surely was just wishful thinking (or dreaming?) on his part.
He's so tired of these games.
So he sits outside the back entrance near the cafeteria, lost in his own head on the bench while everyone else is off having a carefree time, exchanging date tickets and whatnot, unaware of the plethora of realities that are currently cracking Ouma's head relentlessly. ]
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I'd rather not.
[Biting back a sigh, Shuichi's eyes drop to their joined hands. It's comforting in an extremely embarassing sort of way. It'd probably only make the exasperation worse, honestly, except Shuichi himself is the real offender there so he can't even really be annoyed at Ouma for the PDA.]
...Will you talk to me seriously if we go somewhere more private?
[There's a hint of color in his cheeks as he says it – he doesn't mean anything suggestive, but their history now is such that it kinda feels that way anyway. Which is...a whole thing he doesn't want to think about right now. He doesn't exactly know where they stand on all that, now that they're here instead of Duplicity and there's no dystopian government forcing them to fuck. Ouma had seemed pretty sincere in having fun with it, but surely there's a big difference between "making the best of things" and "actually wanting to do it even without external pressure".]
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Like, more seriously about murder??
[ In an impromptu moment, he's leaning in closer to Shuichi's face, using his other hand to cup around his mouth as he whispers at Shuichi, his eyes gleaming with mischief. ]
Or a buncha other stuff I bet you're still thinking about...?
[ The hand in Shuichi's twists slightly, just so that his fingers can slide and interlock between Shuichi's own. He might be trying to fuck around with the other.
But he might also be gay as hell.
Nonetheless, it isn't a bad idea to discuss all this sensitive information somewhere else. Where someone's not prone to walk by and wonder why these two individuals who are only supposed to have known each other for a few days are all up in each other's business right now. ]
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Cut it out already.
[A much milder scolding than Ouma deserves, really. Fuck you, dude, he's sensitive.
Ouma holding his hand like that really doesn't help keep him on task. Shuichi averts his eyes like he's scanning the area for anyone walking by, because that's easier than looking at the asshole he's kinda holding hands with. After a moment, he pulls himself together and huffs an exasperated breath before turning towards the dorms and tugging Ouma along after him by their joined hands.
Ouma didn't give him a real answer, so Ouma doesn't get a fucking opinion. They're going.]
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[ Ouma's voice raises slightly, although there's no one around to hear it. Which is why he did as much, even though he's not entirely sure it's something he wouldn't do if there were people around.
But as much as Shuichi's learned about Ouma, Ouma's equally learned about the other... Slowly, gradually, figuring this puzzle of a person that should be flagrantly obvious from the get-go out. But Shuichi's always surprising him. Best not to piss Shuichi off to the point of the other turning uncooperative, especially since that's what Ouma needs right now. And he can get it. This isn't a situation where Shuichi's already refused him or where he can't trust Shuichi any longer...
Like right now. Although it's not too much of a surprise, since Ouma's used to his slightly more assertive moments by this point. Cute...
Ouma's smiling the whole time he's led away, ultimately not struggling from the other in spite of his dramatic statements. ]
Is this a house arrest?
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Shuichi's shoulders hunch up around his ears, but at least no one's around to hear Ouma. Small blessings. Shuichi does his best to shrug it off. Someone's gotta be the responsible one between the two of them.]
If I have to lock you up to get you to stop messing around, I will.
[Ouma would probably like that anyway.
The trip back to the dorms is uneventful. Shuichi automatically turns towards his own room at first, but then he pauses and seems to rethink it. After a moment's thought, he heads to Ouma's door instead.
If Ouma trusts him, then he should let him in. Shuichi's already made it clear he saw inside last time around anyway. And if Ouma's be doing any investigating on his own so far, Shuichi wants to see it..]
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You're soooo funny, Saihara-chan! You already know there's no lock I can't get out of...!
[ JUST SAYING!!
Although he knows Shuichi is honestly just humoring his banter, probably. Which is nice. Shuichi's always entertaining him, at least.
... And pulling through with that unexpected behavior, since Ouma's expression stiffens when Shuichi leads him to his door.
In any other circumstance, Ouma would be shutting this down. His room is off-limits as long as he's alive, and there are notes and bits of information that he's not ready to reveal to anyone whatsoever.
... Or at least, he wasn't. But he's not nearly as far as he was previously in his own investigation, when there was actual killing going on... It's a more chaotic whiteboard, complete with his theories about Duplicity and the flashback lights and this current lovey-dovey game that don't seem to be connected, but for him and Shuichi...
Ouma inhales through his nose slowly, eyebrows knitting as he stares down his own door as though it's a threat. He's seen this door before, and it's the same door, and yet different. Just like this Shuichi is the same Shuichi, but...it's his Shuichi. The one that's been with him this whole time.
The only one who's been with him this whole time.
Swallowing quietly, Ouma pulls his hand from Shuichi's grip as he moves toward his door, reaching for the key to it stashed within his sleeve in order to open it.
For the both of them. ]
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Shuichi's watching as Ouma's face sobers, blank as the gears in his brain turn. Even as unreadable as Ouma often is, it's obviously he's making a decision here and Shuichi can only hold his breath. Pushing the issue seems like it'd destabilize a delicate balance.
He just wishes he knew exactly what was going on in Ouma's head.
The pause stretches on just long enough that Shuichi starts to get nervous, expecting Ouma to laugh in his face any moment. Pulling away from him seems like the start of it, but then Ouma just takes his key out and Shuichi's finally breathes out again.
He nearly says "thank you". He's grateful for the trust. But maybe he shouldn't draw attention to it at all. He thinks he knows how Ouma felt about this, and a lot of the time it seems like Ouma doesn't want to be known. In the end, Shuichi settles for a tentative hand on Ouma's shoulder as the door opens, a slight squeeze to acknowledge everything being left unsaid.]
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Ouma swings his door open a tad unceremoniously as he steps into his room, arms and hands splaying out in gesture as he expects Shuichi to follow him in. It's a bit of a mess, but in a clearly calculated mess kind of way. ]
Welp! You're in my domain now, Saihara-chan...! I have the upper hand! Are you scared about that?
[ Even though it literally felt the exact opposite 30 seconds ago. But Ouma isn't one for leaving himself in any kind of perceived vulnerable position for long. ]
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Ouma's room is, as expected, a mess. It's a similar sort of mess to what he'd seen during the killing game. A little different, of course, and the evidence being documented covers an even broader mystery, but it's oddly comforting that it's the same. Like he can maybe understand Ouma a little better. This is just how he works.
Shuichi's eyes linger on the whiteboard – no longer covered in photos of murderers, no longer singling him out as maybe trustworthy – and he drops heavily to sit on the bed.]
I'm not afraid of you.
[There's no hesitance as he says it, just a bone-deep weariness. He looks up at Ouma, hands folding in his lap.]
So can you just talk to me now?
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[ Just...automatically places Shuichi in his organization. The other had as good as much (maybe) said he's join, so like...this is completely fine. ]
But I know you have 'em, especially since you're all comfy on my bed this easily...
[ Ouma steps a bit closer, standing in front of the other. ]
So of course I'll tell you whatever you wanna know, officer.
[ Joking. A joke. Like from their earlier quips. Maybe. ]
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There's a part of him that wants to reach out and grab Ouma's hands again. A clinngy, probably annoying part. His fingers twist together, an idle fidget meant more to keep his hands in check. He'd done the embarassing emotional leech thing already out of sheer relief, but the moment is passed and he doesn't have that excuse anymore and it'd only make him look like a desperate weirdo if he kept that up. It's not like they're dating or something just because of the Duplicity shit. Yeah.
Yeah.]
You know I have them because you've seen them.
[He goes faintly pink to say it, and he can't look Ouma in the eyes, but see? He can be flippant about this shit, too.
He looks past Ouma – like a functional human who isn't hung up on emotional shit in what could be called a crisis – back to the whiteboard. It's not like it has any actual answers, but it's helpful to see all the important stuff laid out visually. Ouma is thorough about these things, if nothing else.]
Do you think Shirogane-san is somehow responsible for everything? Or at least, whatever group she's working with?
[He'd only linked her to the mastermind shit, but this whole setup wasn't something any lone person could possibly manage, right?]
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Ouma brings a finger to his lips with a hum, although his tone is too cheery to warrant the idea that he's considering anything too seriously here. ]
Whaaat? Have I?! I don't remember anything like that!!
[ But then there's a flash of a grin as he moves to inelegantly plop down on the bed to sit next to Shuichi, kicking his legs up slightly as he does so from the momentum of sitting down so gracelessly. ]
... Just kidding! And I definitely think that girl's a super-duper bitch, but there's no way she's fully in-charge! Maybe we're some kind of entertainment commodity and they're trying to keep everything from getting dreadfully boring. That's two whole resets on our situation by now, isn't it? But it's always the same thing: Death or sex, death and sex, death and death, sex and sex! It's like a shitty reality TV show that keeps getting cancelled before the season is completed!!
[ There's an edge of frustration in his voice before he lets himself fall backwards on the bed, his back hitting the mattress even as the rest of his legs still hang off. He spreads his arms out slightly, not really caring that he's probably taking up way more space than Shuichi right now. ]
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I mean, at least this time around it's not...that. None of that's required now, right? It's more like some kind of cheesy dating show.
[Which admittedly doesn't preclude the sex thing, but it's not necessary. Shuichi frowns, lips pressed together in thought.]
But that's just another kind of entertainment, too. It seems impossible to believe, but...
[But...what else can he think, at this point? The very nature of his reality is up in the air right now. Some kind of simulation or something is the only thing that makes sense in a rational world. If they eliminate that option, then what's even left? Magic? Some kind of gods fucking with them specifically just for the hell of it? At least the simulation angle doesn't rely on the supernatural.
He wishes Ouma would take this seriously. If not for the sake of figruing out what to do, then at least to make him feel less alone in his barely restrained breakdown. Everything they think they know is potentially fake, why is he the only one that seems at all concerned??? Ouma spread out, but Shuichi only curls in on himself further as he thinks on it all.]
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[ Ouma whines, turning to his side to stare at Shuichi. ]
But this isn't even hardly a game anymore...!! It's just getting more and more boring! He said we can leave if we "graduate" like before, but I don't believe it for a second! All of this suddenly ending peacefully without a dead body? It's so lame I could cry...!
[ One of his hands reaches up to tug on Shuichi's sleeve, ensuring he has the other's attention. No zoning out allowed... ]
Hey, hey-- You said back in Duplicity that I died in the original killing game, right? 'Cause I really think I prefer that kind of ending at this point! They're just milking us to death, now!
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Please don't even joke about that...
[ he's still traumatized dude
There's a part of him – the clingy, nervous, insecure part – that wants to just lay down and glom onto Ouma like a goddamn leech just to keep himself convinced that he isn't actually losing his mind. It's not an irrational conclusion affer watching people die and then apparently come back to life and get trapped in some kind of freak sex land. This is not the life of a sane person.
But he keeps to himself and keeps it together.]
Will it really even end if we "win"? I mean...you're right. It seems too easy. I'm kind of afraid that it'd just all reset again into something worse.
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So it'd just be a lie, anyway. One he's usually not opposed to making, regardless of how wildly insensitive it would be, but he's more attuned to this Shuichi's moodswings (hell, he'd had quite a few "talks" with him during the most inopportune moments in Duplicity), so he's not really in the mood to rile up his rabbit-hearted detective any further.
But Shuichi is strong. Ouma had seen him growing and surprising him first-hand in that killing game and in Duplicity... ]
Hm... Dunno!
[ Ouma unceremoniously blurts out, rolling even more into Shuichi's personal space as he turns over on his stomach, kicking his legs and stretching his arms out flat across the bed. ]
Guess we gotta find out then, right? 'Cause I'm not about to roll over on my back and wait to die! So you can't either. I need a good guy that'll jump in and take a bullet for me if anything goes wrong, y'know.
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This is not going to be the only real talk they ever have.
That's a comforting thought, at least. Shuichi isn't inclined towards optimism in all this absurdity and awfulness, but it doesn't seem likely that anyone's going to be abruptly murdered in this game. A slow breath eases out of him and he lets his hands fall away from his face. Tentatively, he pats Ouma's leg where it's pressing up against his thigh.]
I'm not going to die. [By murder or depression or bullet sacrifice, thank you very much.] The rules for graduation this time around, though...
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And what he likes to feel, as he notices Shuichi patting his leg. He grins, perking up at the next question (but is he perking up from the attention or the question? Who knows). ]
Nee-heehee! Easy-peasy!! We just gotta do that fake-dating shit!
[ BOLD WORDS but the idea of fake-dating a guy he's been fucking for the better half of a year isn't weird at all to him.
Maybe it's the fake part that should be weird, but Ouma is built on lies. ]
Then we'll know for sure if this thing's legit or not. We need to do some investigating, too. Did you notice all of our labs are already open this time around? Weird, right??
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Shuichi short-circuits for a moment for no good reason at all. It's the only course of action that makes sense after all, right? It's not like he'd be okay with graduation with someone else and leaving Ouma behind, and they already have a rapport and they can coordinate more easily–
That's all good and logical and all that, but fake-dating. Why is that making him feel like he might explode after he's already fucked this dude many, many times??? Idk, probably the "dating" part, which implies feelings rather than just sex, and also the "fake" part, which is implies said feelings not being maybe definitely painfully real.
aaaaaaaaaaa
Ignore him if he take a few extra seconds to process. Nothing weird here, he always goes stone stiff while casually thinking things over.]
...Y-yeah. I mean. That makes sense. [Smooth.] And if no one's supposed to die here then the labs being locked until after trials wouldn't work... But at least we can take a better look at the ones that were supposed to stay locked before.
[ aaaaaaaaaa ]
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[ Ouma announces smugly as he steadies his palms against the mattress, pushing himself up onto all fours before turning himself around to sit back correctly on his ass. Or about as correctly as he can get, since he's still kinda leaning against Shuichi with terrible, lazy posture. ]
I've already looked at 'em all, but I need a detective's eye for sure! We could use our date tickets to do some investigations without garnering too much attention from Monokuma -- two birds, one laser!!
[ That is not the right analogy but lasers are cooler, okay. ]
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God, How long did he spend in Duplicity wishing they could just do an ordinary, unforced, non-sex-focused dare? It was definitely a thought that occurred more than a few times after they'd settled into their arrangement. Is it possible their thoughts in one iteration of this nonsense somehow influenced the next?
Ehh. Unlikely, probably. That didn't really account for Duplicity itself, unless Ouma died feeling massively horny.]
What kind of date could you even have in Amami-kun's lab? And what if Monokuma's paying more attention to dates? If that's the whole point if the game this time, then that's probably what he cares about most...
[Fuck, is Monokuma watching now? Would he have been able to resist a pair of teens sneaking off to a bedroom together?? Shuichi frowns, pressing a knuckle to his lips in uneasy thought.]
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Well, yeah, it is a dating show... But leave it to me! I'm the best liar in this place, so I can make any situation look totally innocent!
[ Or like. The opposite, maybe... But he's good at confusing and hiding intentions, and that's all they need. He can guess where Shuichi's line of thought is going, and it's when the same contemplation crosses his own mind that he ends up smirking.
His hands reach up around Shuichi's neck so that his arms can wrap around the other (and also use him for steadying balance) as he very abruptly turns over to straddle the other's lap and subsequently make himself comfortable in it. ]
-- Like this one!
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This doesn't really look "innocent".
[Oddly enough, though? This is kind of soothing on his overworked heart and brain. This is shit they've done before and he can fall back on that familiarity. Without even thinking, his hands fall to Ouma's waist, half support and half idle touch.
Okay. See? He can do this. He is totally capable of navigating this arrangement with a cool head and without looking like some kind of desperate leech.]
So, then...should we...practice...?
[Failed step one.]
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Yep, yep! I'm already perfect at this, but I don't mind giving my beloved Saihara-chan a lesson or two!
[ Ouma nods a few times as he speaks, his own hands moving up toward the sides of Shuichi's head while his fingers weave through the other's hair slightly.
... And then he clears his throat, upping the ante (and the volume) on his already dramatic way of speaking, here. ]
Ahhh, I'm so glad my cute detective boyfriend came to visit me in my very own room today...! What kind of hijinks will we get into on today's date?! My heart is already beating too fast from excitement!!
[ VERY BELIEVABLE. ]
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That was terrible.
[His hand at Ouma's waist gives a little squeeze with his fingers as if to prod Ouma into taking this seriously. Fuck you, he knows you can do better than this.]
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