FIFTEEN TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE ICONS............

[misleaded]

duplicity memories au shit

[ It wasn't supposed to be like this.

More memory shenanigans? More fucking around? He's not quite sure what to make of it yet, but it's similar to his previous experiences. Ending up somewhere he's not supposed to be, unable to remember how he came about the location, and definitely not able to piece together the memories that brought him here. It's enough to make him want to implode, honestly. The killing game... Duplicity... and now... this? A happy-go-lucky "Love Across the Universe" situation? It's too similar to the initial killing game, and yet entirely different. Naturally Ouma doesn't trust it, especially since he's somehow managed to retain his memories of all his prior experiences. Can't whoever's doing this crap keep any consistency? He's reminded of when he woke up in the Down in Duplicity, and of how the others that he'd met therein had always been a tossup in discovering what they actually recalled or experienced.

It's terrifying, really. He's not sure he can even trust his own memories, even if he wants to believe they're reliable. But everything is messed up.

Again. And again.

At least in this scenario, he isn't being forced to partake in any activities like killing or sex. Dating and bonds or whatever is a lot more tolerable, and it's almost too nice compared to his prior experiences. It sets him on edge. All of his classmates are here this time, but none of them seem to recall anything prior. They don't know about the killing game, and the few of them that had shown up in Duplicity didn't seem to recall anything about that, either.

On the surface, anyway. He hasn't interacted much with Shuichi quite yet, even though he'd been the closest with him during his time in Duplicity. He almost doesn't want to approach him, because they'd finally, finally contracted, and then--

... But is it all in his own head? Was any of that even real?

The paranoia regarding his own memories and feelings keeps Ouma from actually approaching Shuichi. Hell, he might even be avoiding him in this ridiculously neutral environment. But it doesn't matter, because Shuichi probably won't notice, right? He surely doesn't remember anything either, just like the rest of them. Otherwise he would've said something by now, right?

It's getting cumbersome to keep up with what's what and who he can even trust at this point. Although the obvious answer is that he can't trust anyone -- that's how it's always been, hasn't it? Everything that had happened surely was just wishful thinking (or dreaming?) on his part.

He's so tired of these games.

So he sits outside the back entrance near the cafeteria, lost in his own head on the bench while everyone else is off having a carefree time, exchanging date tickets and whatnot, unaware of the plethora of realities that are currently cracking Ouma's head relentlessly. ]

Comments

[shyhara]

[Shuichi wasn't sure what was real anymore.

Everything had felt real in the moment. Every moment of his classmates being killed in the school and his dignity being shattered in Duplicity, he couldn't doubt any of it at the time when it all felt so immediate and visceral. But then once again he found himself waking up in the locker and Kaede had introduced herself like a complete stranger, like he hadn't watched her die and found her resurrected again in the city and been forced into intimacy with her for the entertainment of strangers. And not just her. No one seemed to remember any of it, and his confused stammering in those first few interactions only served to make people look at him like he was a weirdo.

Mercifully, the others had apparently taken pity on him. He hadn't been shunned as a complete lunatic, his distress and strangeness in those first attempts at talking to Kaede or Maki being brushed off as awkwardness and confusion at their new situation -- kidnapped, again, but this time for something less violent and less sexual. It almost seemed too kind a scenario to be true given what he's come to expect from his life.

Even now, it all felt real, but Shuichi couldn't say for sure whether he believed it. Could it all be real? And if it wasn't, where was the lie? Was the killing game some awful dream? Or Duplicity? If those had been dreams, how could he have known everyone before meeting them for "real" here? And if this was the dream, when would he wake up and find himself back in hell?

So he'd been maybe a bit reluctant to embrace this new reality. The others seemed content enough to play along with this dating game, but then, they apparently had no memory of all the bullshit giving him pause. He could only stand back and watch as they traded tickets and fumbled their way through seemingly new friendships. He couldn't bring himself to properly participate when he kept seeing their corpses, couldn't shut out that awful voice at the back of his mind whispering that this wasn't real, that this too would disappear the moment anything too good happened.

Ouma was the worst of it. Perhaps because of that lingering guilt, remembering how he'd died the first time around. Or perhaps because of everything in the city, how close they'd managed to become after too long, that breakthrough right before he'd woken up here with everything apparently reset. Ouma had given no more indication of remembering anything than the rest of them, and it'd only make Shuichi look crazier if he were to seek him out, little more than an acquaintance now, and babble about that nonsense.

Hell, it made Shuichi feel crazy just thinking about it.

The worst part was the doubt. Wondering if he should try anyway. Would Ouma even say anything if he did remember? Would he keep his mouth shut and go at it all alone again? Or was that wishful thinking? Why would Ouma remember things no one else seemed to?

Then again, why did Shuichi remember?

He was going in circles with these thoughts, dwelling while wandering aimlessly. Everyone else was busy with their dates or whatever, and he'd managed to wave off Kaede's kind attempt to draw him into it. There was no need to drag her down with him while Miu was right there peeking around the corner clearly waiting to catch Kaede alone. Shuichi made his excuses and disappeared out the back so he didn't scare Miu off by walking in her direction.

Still zoned out in his self-pitying bullshit, Shuichi only spotted the purple head of hair as the door was swinging shut behind him. Instinctively, he spun around, some anxiety in his chest flaring up at the very idea of being alone with Ouma and having to pretend to not know him too well. It was a second too late, though, and the door fell shut with a bang before he could catch it. Whoops.]